January 2006

The Religious School Parent Education program offered a class in "The Top Ten Ways to Raise Your Children Jewish." What are the actions that make the most impact in raising children to have a strong Jewish identity?

When I wrote my book, The Jewish Parents' Almanac, I read a number of studies on what impacts Jewish identity-what we can do for kids that will make them grow up to be active, identified, affiliated Jewish adults. As a rabbi and Jewish educator, I've also gathered a lot of "anecdotal evidence" about the kinds of activities and attitudes that impart a strong Jewish identity.

First step. I think that the first step in giving our children a Jewish identity is to develop one for ourselves. Just as "location, location, location" are the three most important things in a real estate deal, "modeling, modeling, modeling," are the three most important steps in educating our children about our values. If we show that we ourselves are Jewishly engaged adults, our children will absorb the message that Judaism and the Jewish community are important to our lives.

Judaism at home. Creating a vibrant Jewish home is the next step. Judaism is a home-based religion. Shabbat traditions, like a special meal and blessings on Friday nights, can give our kids emotional grounding and warmth in an insecure world. Certain holiday observances seem to have a special impact. Most of us do Chanukah and Passover to some degree, but the extra effort to do things like build a sukkah in the backyard, dress up for Purim, and bring the children to dance at Simchat Torah seem to make a real impression on kids. And don't be afraid to "just say no" to a few things because you are Jewish (for example, missing school for the High Holidays and skipping bread on Passover). These choices can show the priority that we give religious observance.

Jewish education. Jewish education is obviously crucial. While a Jewish Day School education has been shown to have a lasting impact on Jewish identity, we are in a smaller community and can't have everything (yet!). Regular participation in a great religious school, like ours at CBI, can make a difference. However, supplementary Jewish education has been shown to have the most impact only if continued after Bar and Bat Mitzvah.

"Dropping out" after the coming of age ceremony sends the message that Judaism is just for kids, while continuing offers teenagers Jewish education at a much more sophisticated level.

Informal education. Informal Jewish education is extremely important. If you want to do one thing that will make a difference in Jewish identity, send your kids to a high quality Jewish summer camp, such as Tawonga, Young Judaea, or Camp Ramah. Encourage your teens to participate in our BBYO youth group; the peer Jewish experience is a very formative factor in Jewish identity. Programs in Israel during adolescence or young adulthood can also help to develop a Jewish identity that lasts a lifetime.